GinaP. This is Your Life!

   It’s time now kiddies for a look back. Yes, like one those cheesy television shows, this is a Worst Year review!



   In the year 2009, I have had quite a time as you full well know. My dog died in March. I went to the doctor about my acid-reflux problem and almost had to pay over $600 for some blood tests. My grandfather died. My mom had more brain surgery but this time it left her with zero short-term memory and needing 24 hour care. We had to start taking her to day care so someone would be with her. I regaled you about how little free time I have between two jobs, school and being a care taker. I told you about how I was having issues at my primary job and to top it all off I had a personal medical problem. I think that is all clear enough now to tell you all about. Basically my period was being sketchy. I believe it was simply due to stress, but being a paranoid person I took like 5 pregnancy tests over 2 months. Now it seems to be okay but not great. Sorry, no baby.


   Let me remind you that this was never a contest about who has a worse lot in life. This was simply my story. If you want to share your tales of life suckery with me, I will openly listen.


   I suppose since my blog revolves around 2009 being a terrible year that I should shut this operation down in 2 days. Thanks for reading if anyone did. My next idea for a blog, assuming that 2010 gets better for me, would be a movie themed blog since they are my passion.


I want to leave you with a line from the They Might Be Giants song “Don’t Let’s Start”. “No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful. Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful.” I think that sums up 2009 for me.

Happy Winter Solstice!

   I was so worried that X-Mas would bring misery. I thought for sure this terrible string of bad luck would culminate on the biggest day of the year. Granted, X-Mas didn’t go exactly the way I wanted, but it could have been a lot worse.



   We experienced Blizzard 2009 here in the Midwest. What made travel impossible was the fact that the blizzard remains from two weeks ago were still lingering. So I believe we got 12-14 inches on top of 8 inches of snow, not to mention the drifts. I saw some drifts over five feet high. What this means my little interested blog-lovers; I couldn’t get to work on Friday or Saturday. I missed out on the busiest days of the year at the theatre.


   At first I thought they would have to close the theatre on X-Mas, but apparently the district manager said no. But if you think about it, that is a movie theatre’s largest fiscal day, they can’t close unless it is the last resort. And I heard that families came out in their big SUV’s. That’s so smart right? “I believe I will endanger my family’s lives to go see It’s Complicated!”


   I was spoiled for Christmas. I got to eat prime rib, play monopoly (which my dad hustled me at) and play online poker with my dad and brother. I got an SD card for my camcorder, new ram for my computer, loads of gift cards and a new winter coat. Then I woke up the next day and couldn’t get to work either.


   Unfortunately my boyfriend got trapped at his house because the plows do such a lousy job in his neighborhood. And once they plow one lane, which I assume is supposed to be for emergency vehicles, they just leave it! Going up a blind curve hill in one lane is awesome fun!


   Really what I thought would be terrible turned out to be pretty okay. My mom was confused for some of the day about my brother and my gifts not being wrapped and being somewhere in the house though. And later she asked where my son was…I think she meant where my boyfriend was. Sometimes he’s my husband and now sometimes he’s my son I guess.

It’s the Final Countdown! 4 days left.

Stress Limit Breach Approaching. Abort.

   Today I got talked to about something I did wrong at work. This is the third time someone’s talked to me about this item. Not because I made the same mistake but because three separate people talked to me about the same issue. I felt like I was in the movie Office Space where the main character has about eight different bosses to tell him about his TPS reports. So, yeah….today is awesome.



   I hate how busy the holiday season is, and I never find myself on the side of society that has time off during these weeks. I am forever stuck in the working class rut known as a bitch to everyone else’s needs.


   I do have X-Mas eve and New Year’s Eve off, but most other days I am working doubles. I like my other job, but I hate working two jobs. I keep thinking when I get done with school it will help ease my stress, but I don’t know if I can make it, I have 8-9 months left.


Countdown to the end of this year? 11 days. Come on, baby, come on!

A Rainy Monday

   Would you like to hear about a bad day; a “Rainy Monday” as Shiny Toy Guns would put it? That day would be yesterday, which was a Monday.


   While eating breakfast, at 6:30am, a horrible hour to be eating at, my dad informed me that the ice on the windshields outside was thick…and it was snowing. So I went out to my car early to throw on the defroster and work on scraping the windows. My dad helped me at the end, so it wasn’t too bad; driving was though! It took me an hour to get to work and it normally takes 20 minutes. This was a time where I got bored driving and my eyelids got heavy. And after 30-45 minutes I started to bake in my winter clothes in the warm car.


   I clocked in 40 minutes late. Then while going to the sales floor to do my thing, one of the buyer pulls me aside and tells me about a bunch of tags that need to be redone, most of which weren’t my doing. When I tried to explain why this problem happened, he just kept repeating,” Well, that’s on the packet information when you enter these skus.” He said that five times almost in a row.


   It only gets better kiddies. I had to run up and down the stairs to the sales floor to remake tags almost the entire day. The day was a blur of being busy. My co-workers went to eat lunch at Burger King and I had no money and I brought my lunch, so I ate alone. That didn’t bother me because I got some peace and quiet.


   In the last half hour of my shift I was chosen to organize a food day for next Monday and I had to get an email out in about 10 minutes because the rest of the time I had to work on two other problems.


   Then I battled the traffic back home. Normally when I leave I can get home in 20-25 minutes because I leave before the rush hour really hits. Yesterday it took me 40 minutes to get home. I would otherwise be okay with this except that I had to be to work at 5:30. I got home at 5:10. My dad had made dinner so I literally changed and scarfed down dinner in less than 10 minutes and left for work again.


   I got to the second job and that was actually peaceful. They allowed me to do some homework and then I got to leave 30 minutes early because all the closing duties were done, so the managers just locked up. I love having a second job where I can just turn my brain off.


   So yesterday, I froze, waited in traffic, baked, scrambled, hit the wall, waited in more traffic, scarfed and hurried some more. If you think this all sounds like a bad day you have to hear the kicker. I woke up at 4am with heartburn that morning and had it for an hour. I’ve never had heartburn last more than about 15-20 minutes and it’s also never hit me in the middle of the night. You may not believe me, but I actually thought to myself that this was a sign that Monday would be a bad day.




Countdown to New Years? 16 days.

Making it thru

    I think I have all my Xmas shopping done. Yay! We also had a snow day yesterday due to the blizzard here. I called my work to check the weather line and the main line had a recording of the president saying we were closed until 4p.m. I've never had a preemptive snow day as an adult. It was bad on Tuesday afternoon though. So today is my day off, I was off yesterday and I left after only 3 hours of work on Tuesday. I will be busy tomorrow! 

    We haven't owned a shovel since we moved to the apartment about 7 years ago. I decided we need one again and got one last night. I wanted that classic orange plastic one but Wal-Mart only had one shovel left and I wasn't about to hunt around so we have a green plastic shovel. My dad and I each had to dig our cars out with a broom. Our neighbors had a shovel on their porch so I went and knocked on their door to ask to borrow it. They acted like they weren't home. I heard them in there and then mysteriously their drapes closed down from their up position. Assholes! Apparently talking to other people is dangerous.

   Today my mom told me she left her winter coat at school. When I questioned this she told me it was her dental school that she attends twice a week in Rochester. So, yeah.... 

   Three weeks left to this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year. 
  

   








Let's just get through this week and get to my friends' birthday next friday.

Pre-Xmas Woes

   Be thankful that everyone on your X-Mas shopping list can tell you what they want. I am having so much trouble shopping for my mom. She doesn’t want anything. She needs clothes because she has gained a lot of weight. I got her to try on a shirt that fit at Wal-Mart so I got that. I think my dad is trying to work with her on trying pants on so we know her new size.



   The end of the year is such a busy time for me at both jobs. At the movie theater, yesterday afternoon, we got the tree and some decorations up since it was slow. But people run around at my main work with their heads cut off to meet budgets and secure new-hires. Needless to say, it is a VERY stressful time.


   I wanted to see a movie last night with my boyfriend but a migraine put me into bed at 9pm. I read an article online that being an overweight female can increase migraines…awesome. Holidays are so full of temptation for me.


   The first week of my new class, which is algebra, went well. I don’t want to jinx it though, so let’s leave it at that.


   So I only have four X-Mas gifts left that I need to buy to complete my shopping list and anything after that is a bonus. If I can afford it, you may just be getting it.

   Only 25 days of this sucky year left! I'm excited, are you?

Times Magazine called this the Worst Decade Ever. See, I'm not crazy. Times has my back.

Updates with a side of Story

   I am currently having personal medical issues. They are not life-threatening or anything even close to that, but they are stress-related. This year is finally catching up with me physically. I will see how things progress and then if they get better, I will update you all.



   My Mom is having an okay time at home but she seems to be non-cognizant to anything going on around her. Have you ever thought to yourself, “Oh, little kids have it easy; they get to stay home all day and relax,”? But if you ever actually reverted to the age of 2 believe me, you would not like it. My Mom is basically in that situation. I don’t want to talk about what has been happening specifically, but take my word for it when I say it is embarrassing.


   Instead of kind of telling you guys what has been happening, let me document for you my night out on Friday. My boyfriend, three other friends and I went to the local comedy club in town. The host tried to offer us seats up front, which I wanted, but no one else seemed to, which I didn’t understand because this was not an insult comic. Well, I soon regretted not fighting them on that, because the waitress in our area was just awful.


   My friend told her twice, upfront, how the checks were to be separated: him and his girlfriend, me, my boyfriend and our other friend, for a total of 4 checks. I ordered a pretzel and dip appetizer. Ten minutes later I was told they were out of pretzels. As this was the second show of the evening, I didn’t mind, so I asked for the dessert list and chose the fried cheesecake.


   My friends’ food arrived maybe five minutes into the show. Meanwhile, thirty minutes later, when they were about finished, I asked where my cheesecake was. One friend at my table ordered cheesecake, but the regular kind, not fried. Here is where things got weird. The waitress said “That takes a while to make.” To which I responded “Okay.” And then she came around the table to my side and told me it only takes a minute to fry those so it will be right up. Hold it right there! Which is it lady? It takes a while or it takes only a minute? And looking around the place, most people ordered beer, so I am sure it would not take the chef thirty minutes to make some fried cheesecake even if it took “a while”. So I got my cheesecake five minutes after that, which of course makes me think what you are probably thinking: she forgot to place the order the first time around.


   The next headache was when it came time for the bill. We received one check for everything. Remember we asked her twice to divide out the checks. Some of my friends wanted me to pay it and then give me cash. Not happening, as I was poor. We flagged her down and told her again how to divide out the checks. We received three checks, one for each couple and then one for the other person. Remember, we wanted four. At that point, I thought, “Whatever” and paid for my boyfriend and mine on my card and took his money, but that was still half of the total bill. I wasn’t too thrilled since I only had about $130 in the bank and that total was $32.


   While all of these fun activities went on with the check, the comedians told us to fill out a comment card and give it to our server to be entered to win a prize pack. We all filled out comment cards and we were waiting for the last comedian to be done to give them to our server. We were distracted by the check ordeal and paying and then the headliner finished. Well, then the MC came back on and handed out the prize. Half of the crowd was audibly upset because they didn’t hand in their comment cards yet. I have two problems with this system: A. Why would I rate a person’s performance before they are finished? B. How could I give my card to the server when she hardly came around and when she did we had to correct her? Apparently you are supposed to rate everyone as Excellent and hand in your comment card early to win a prize.


   It was a decent night though. The second comic was much better than the headliner and we bought his DVD and talked with him. P.S. The cheesecake wasn’t worth the wait.




It’s true that bad customer service stories go much further than good ones.

Attention. Attention Please!

   Remember back in middle school and high school when your classroom would get going on a hot topic and almost everyone in the class would chime in on the subject? And a certain few kids just HAD to share their own personal experience. Like, Sara would speak up on the topic of daylight savings and share how one time her dad forgot to set his clock back and he rushed out of the house and that caused him to get into a fender bender. And then some kids would share and it would only kind of relate to the topic at hand. Like Jeff would say, “Every year we buy new alarm clocks.” See, it only kind of related to daylight savings.


   Well guess what? These are the same people that work all around you today. You can easily identify them. They are the ones that when you go to them with a question they refuse to drop the conversation about themselves with a co-worker. I will give you an example.


   I go over to all-grown up Sara’s desk to ask why the pricing is wrong on an item in the computer system. Sara is talking with co-worker Jeff. Jeff just finished asking her when she is going to buy that new car she looked at. I interject, “Sara, this price came up as $549.99 and not $619.99. Is there an ad for this time frame?” Sara looks at me, pauses, and then tells Jeff “Well I will buy the Accord when they have their winter sell off sale.” Now, I did not specifically wait to ask my question right in the middle of their conversation. I just walked up and asked her.


   Work comes before chit-chat, but not to this generation. And I am part of this generation I am talking about. Guess what Sara and Jeff? You are not that important. The price for the ad is important right now. Talk about your fucking car later!


   I have co-workers, who say I am not being very social because I don’t specifically get up from my desk, go over to theirs and chit-chat with them. I talk with the people around me a lot while we are working on mindless things. That seems fine to me, everyone does that without issue. I would love to talk with you, except here is my problem: you will talk my face off for at least 20 minutes. I don’t want to commit to that kind of time. I will come over and talk to you for less than 5 minutes and then try to tell you with body language that I want to get back to work. Nobody in my generation gets it! They keep talking about themselves. They jump from one topic to the next. Once our topic is resolved I want to go, but then you sigh, make some inane comment and start in on how your time out last night was. I don’t care!!!


   I came over to ask you if we are off on Christmas Eve, a semi-work related question. By the time I am excused to leave your desk, and by that I mean you shut your face off, I have heard about how hung-over you are, what new video game you bought and how hard it is, what new movie you want to see, how your cell phone is broken and what your kids did that was annoying or cute. My consciousness left 13 minutes ago and while I look around your cubicle I nod mindlessly.


   It’s not that I don’t like you as a friend. You are cool, but learn when the conversation is done. I feel like I was verbally raped. You got to unload your mind but when I do the same thing you aren’t genuinely interested, so I learned not to do it. In fact, I like that phrase. I give it over to you, the masses. The next time someone won’t shut up on the phone or at work, or even if you run into a Sara or Jeff in the grocery store, say you were verbally raped.

That is all.

Working Records

   Last year right around this time, I embarked on working the most days in a row that I ever had: 36 days. Some people at previous jobs told me hoping for pity that they had to work two weeks straight. Well I put that to shame. And I’m also sure people have worked more than that consecutively. Consider the people that work for Kellogg’s and UPS. I hear they work 7 days a week, but I also heard they get paid bank.




   Those thirty-six days were stressful to me and my streak only ended because of Christmas Day. I worked from November 19th to Dec. 24th. Somehow I managed to buy Christmas presents for all the people on my list.


   Maybe I should have seen this terrible year coming from how last year ended. I also remember that once New Year’s was over, I had an overwhelming longing for the holidays to return. That was a feeling I hadn’t gone through in previous years.


   From what I can tell between my two work schedules I work on Friday the 20th through the 27th. Based on how schedules have been, I will continue working from the 28th through at least the 2nd. That is thirteen days in a row, which I think I can handle. We will see if I beat last year’s record or get more days off.


Come on Holidays, get here quick!

Not a Complainy Rant

   Update to the birthday concerns. Today, my boss got me a big, delicious chocolate cake and the people working sang “Happy Birthday” to me. And two co-workers left me cards and one of them gave me a my little pony because I always tell her that I want a pony named “Butterscotch”. Although two people on my team didn’t even tell me happy birthday, and that doesn’t cost a thing. I have to admit, I am ticked off at them.



   Outside of work, I had a very mixed birthday celebration. My mom fell down in the shower and it took me 40 minutes to help her out of it. I really didn’t want to call the fire department, because she kept yelling not to and wouldn’t put on any clothes. But I got her out and that made me happy.


   With that bad news out of the way, onto the good news. I was very nervous that my birthday party would be lame. How wrong I was! I had a great time with lots of people. And, the best part, my friends chipped in and bought me a new camcorder. Mine broke several months ago. This one is a JVC Everio. The best part about that? No more tapes to deal with, it’s all done on SD cards. To top it off, my friends each recorded a birthday message for me and when they gave me the gift, I got to see their warm wishes.


   I still can’t believe it. I have a new camcorder. I can go back to work on movies. I was wanting to tackle a full feature length film but then my other camera broke. The genre? Horror/comedy of course! I have the camera, a stand and plenty of willing actors. The only thing I think will be an issue is the sound quality. People will have to yell to get good sound. You can only fix sound in my low grade editing programs so much. I think I will get going on a story treatment for my friends to recruit some as willing victims, er actors next week.


   I also got $110 in gift cards to Lane Bryant. Cash from each of the grandparents. With that money I got a new printer/scanner and the new Kathy Griffin book. One friend also bought me a gift before he knew about the chip-in; he got me Simpsons Scene-it and Simpsons Uno. Yeah, I like the Simpsons.


Definitely the best part of the year that I am going to have.

This is it - No not the MJ movie

   This is it. My last day of being 24. Every time my birthday rolls around I try to use the day before to reflect on the year. You know like will I be a better person? Will I be smarter finally? All that goofy, sappy stuff.



   Last year I worked on a different team at my primary job. And those people got me presents and a cake. This time nobody did. I can’t complain though. I mean you can’t get mad at someone for not spending money on you. But even a card would have been something uplifting after the year I’ve had. And what do those cost? $2? Well, the fancy new ones with sound are more like $5, that’s a bit crazy I know. Maybe when I come back, the people that were off today will have left me something. I’ll let you know.


   Tomorrow, on my actual birthday, I need to stay with my mom at home. So I won’t be doing much until my dad gets home from work. And even then, I need to help my b/f clean his house to host my b-day party. So definitely a quiet birthday but a tremendous aftershock with the party I hope. I even scheduled a hangover day. I know, I am so smart.


   Recall back to the theme of this whole blog. This is the worst year of my life to date. I am very apprehensive to what my birthday party will bring. So far, nobody seems to care that it is even my birthday. We all got ‘em right? I know, but that is just another thing that depresses me on top of everything else in my life.


On the bright side, this year is almost over. Less than two months to go.

Sick Day...Kinda

   I feel cruddy today. My boyfriend has the flu (not the evil super flu), and my head has been hurting all day. I think today I just want to relax.

   I used my first official b-day gift today. A free burrito from Qdoba. Hooray! I also put together my bday music list for my party next Friday. I took a great song from each year I've been alive for 25 awesome songs.

   I think I have all the components for my Halloween costume I just need to try it on and add my fake blood. Fake blood makes almost any costume better! Also, each year I want to be something specific, like a particular character, but then I end up making my own costume and I am happier. I get to be creative because I wait until about a week before Halloween when the store's are running low on items and I put together something cool. This year I waited too long for the piece-de-resistance of my costume that would have been fx contacts lenses. They are like $160 and take 10 days to ship. So, I wont have the weird eyes, but hopefully I can still pull this costume off.

   So really today is not so bad except for the crazy headache. At least I'm not at work like this.

   Mom just asked me what I was doing awake already. I asked, "What time do you think it is?" "3:15 in the morning." She was napping for like 2 hours though so she just got confused because we have had zero sunlight today.

Super-Evil Flu you are not welcome in this house!

First Week of School

   Today was my mom’s second day of adult day care. I felt like the mom today when I dropped her off. She asked me, “Are you leaving me here?” I wasn’t really sure what to say so I told her that Dad would be here to get her at five.



   It felt like day care for little kids because we the care-takers drop them off before work and the adults working there gather them into the group to join in on the current activity. They have ceramics, sewing, fitness, quizzes, lunch time, snack time and a hair salon. This…almost sounds like fun if you forget the fact that the residents would rather be at home.


   Adult day cares are a weird place. I don’t know how I feel about this arrangement yet. I need to get the first week over with. Maybe by Saturday I will have a better handle on this.


   If I haven’t said this yet let me just tell you all something. Go home tonight and hug your mother. I don’t care what your situation with her is; if she is alive and has full mental faculties, then you got it good. Put aside the bullshit and appreciate that you can talk to her about anything. I can’t even stress this point enough. Do it!




Sometimes our bodies turn against us with cancer; ain’t that some shit?

Let's Do Some Math

   I find myself looking forward to any type of a day off. Let’s do some math here.


   A week has 168 hours. I work 39 hours at my primary job. I usually work 15 hours at my second job. I normally do about 5 hours of homework each week. So I am doing 59 hours of work each week compared to an average worker doing 40 hours a week. But if we want to calculate free time that would be a whole different story.


   If I add in time before work that I wake up to get ready, travel time, lunch hour and time eating in between jobs that takes my unavailable hours from 59 to 73.5 hours. That leaves 94.5 hours for free time. If I take out time sleeping that really leaves 38.5 hours a week for free time. Don’t forget now on Thursdays I watch my mom. So that is like half free time and half occupied time. So a true free time number would be closer to 33 hours. I would give the average worker at least 59 free hours with their work hours, lunch hours, drive time and after sleep.


   Some of you may not have sympathy for me and my 26 hours less of time. But that is more than a full day less than you that I can sit on my butt, or hang out with my boyfriend, or go shopping. That’s about four and half days each month.


   We can take this even further though. Keep in mind I work for a movie theatre. People like it when you have seen the movies. So of my 33 hours, I try to spend 3-4 each week watching two movies. Not to mention that I love movies so this is a relaxing time for me. I usually find myself needing to stop at a store like Target or Wal-Mart each week for either groceries or something miscellaneous. Before work on Tuesdays each week, I go to the bank and run miscellaneous errands. Thursday nights by 8:30 I can do what I need to do, but lots of places are almost closed. I like to watch two shows on Thursdays, that’s another hour. You can see how thinly stretched my time is. I believe that puts me down to 24 hours to be able to say, “I don’t know what I want to do.”


   This is the reason I can be grumpy and be dying for my days off. I love to see holidays coming up on the calendar. My birthday will be here in 11 days so I am anxious for that. Then it will be Thanksgiving, and before you know it, X-Mas.


   But by the time I use a day of paid time off from work and that day arrives, I find my to-do list full so that maybe by 8:00 I have free time, and I just feel wiped the next day. Wednesday nights and Saturday nights I have found free time lately but my friends want to hang out. And yes I am including that in my free time. But we all know it’s not quite the same. Usually you just end up doing an activity everyone can agree on, but if they weren’t there I think I would be playing Zelda: A Link to the Past.


   But I don’t have any paid time off scheduled right now. I think my next vacation will be around February for my b/f and my 5th anniversary. I also want to go to Mall of America because I’ve never been.


A self-indulgent rant.

Current Events

   Tomorrow we tour an adult day care place. Mom would go there Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays all day. Wednesdays my dad is off so they will hang out at home. And Thursdays will be Gina and Mom hang-out days! It’s better than a nursing home but insurance still doesn’t cover it.


   Let me just reiterate how shitty insurance really is. We pay a chunk out of every paycheck just to earn the right for the insurance company to deny everything right in our face. What the F are we paying for?


   I think all this stress is making me sick. I sneezed all morning at work. I really don’t want that mega-ultra flu that everyone is scared of. I won’t even mention its name for fear of it hearing me, seeking me out and taking residence in my lungs.


   By the way, I believe I caught you all up on the events that led up to this current point. From here on out all blogs will be about current events. Unless I think of something that maybe I repressed.


Jumbled thoughts today.

Well-Wishers

   Mom seems to be doing okay at home. And be okay I mean still needing 24 hour care, so not great, but okay.



   I think people are under the impression this will change and get better. That’s what they tell me, “It will get better Gina.” Uhm….no. No, it won’t. Thanks though. We already know the only thing that may improve is her strength. People don’t want to comprehend that something can go bad and never get good again. But this is one of those times. I guess I can’t be mad at them for being optimistic.


   That’s the other thing people tell me, “You need to have good outlook and pray and wish for the best, because sometimes people can prove those doctors wrong.” So you want me to delude myself and tell myself Mom is fine and she doesn’t have problems? And if I am “positive” that will magically heal her cancer? Oh, that’s all I was missing: false hope. Thanks so much!


   Let me inform you of what exactly it is that she needs. Money and love. Money for therapy, speech, occupational, and physical therapy. Money for chemotherapy. Money for a day care service and money for her drugs. We got the love covered, but we have no money.


   Some of these people who are telling me to be positive gave money to my mom’s fundraiser, so I can’t point a finger at them for not helping, but don’t give me that wishful thinking crap. I don’t agree with that at all. Because when this cancer takes her life, I don’t want to be surprised and say, “But I was positive, so how did this happen?” Get real! Cancer is chowing down on her brain while people tell me to pray about it.


   I think maybe people just don’t want to acknowledge bad things in this world. Or, as a complete opposite, maybe people are too prideful to admit your problems are more massive then theirs. “It’s not so bad Gina, I have real problems.” Right.


Only realistic solutions will help, and the doctors are running low.

Social Hour

   I went to two parties this weekend. It was nice to feel like I had a social life again. And they were perfect; the kind of party with no drama. Today is Sunday. I’m starting to really dislike Sundays because I work a double every week. There is no change to my schedule. Wake up, be to work by 9, get out at 4, go home, eat dinner, go to work by 5:30, work until 11, and go home and go to bed. Period, the end, every week.


  I’m not complaining about the working 9-4 part, that would be a great shift and then go home and be with my boyfriend for the rest of the night, but no I gotta work two jobs. And I gotta work two jobs because I have credit card debt. Not as much as I had before, but it feels like it’s been forever since I stopped using them and the debt is still there in abundance.


   And so every time a Sunday comes around, I berate myself in the morning for racking up that debt and putting myself into this position. I have no one else that I can legitimately place the blame on.
I feel disconnected from my friends. But I feel things need to be that way right now, because if I over commit myself to them, then I will have to let them down to be with my mom.


   I also feel like I have no me time. Whenever I have down time, I worry about homework or some other chore that needs done. I want, for about 6 hours, to sit at home, and do NOTHING. Just absolutely nothing of consequence.


I just want to play SNES games and pretend life is peachy.

A Day Off

   My mom came home Monday night from the hospital. She was there for 32 days with a staph infection. She has to have 24 hour care.
   So, today is Thursday, my day off. My Dad went to work and I am staying with the old lady. I decided to cook to pass the time. I made traditional Italian Wedding Soup and later I am going to make a cake. If I am in the kitchen I can keep a good eye on her. Today she just wants to wear her jammies and robe. She is watching tv, switching between two movies: Hackers and Knocked Up, an odd combination.


   Right now I am taking a bit of a break to use the computer. I woke up at 10:30 and it is about 2p.m. So far today I have showered, finished my homework, fed mom, fed myself, gave her medication, made her bed, done a full load of laundry, made soup, cleaned up after the soup, and put away all the laundry. That is a full day right there, I am superwoman!


   While it is nice to have her home, I feel like a nurse who cannot relax and enjoy myself. I felt worn out since she came home. She is starting physical therapy along with more occupational and speech therapy next week. Let’s hope that helps even though the doctors in Houston think it will not.


Back to work.

Family Visits

   Some of the family on my mom’s side flew in on Oct. 3rd. They stayed until the night of the 5th. My mom’s sister, her husband and one of my mom’s brothers came in. My brother also drove in to visit my mom in the hospital. My brother comes in whenever he can, but we haven’t seen the others in nine years.


  My main employer, who my dad also works for, decided to hold a private fundraiser for our situation. That was very sweet of them and even my friends and my boyfriend donated and they couldn’t afford to. The money was spent within two trips to Houston but that’s okay, they helped out tremendously even to think about us.

   My uncle, that visited last week, donated a fifth of the total on his own. That was so awesome of him. My aunt that also visited donated nothing. Here is where the problem lies. I have thought about this and I couldn’t come up with a way to insult someone for not donating to a charity. My Dad helped me there. You are supposed to bend over backwards for family!! Let me clarify their financial situation to you all. My aunt’s husband is a doctor and they are not in any way hurting for money. Last week, she bought my mom two sets of pajamas and four plants for her hospital room. Apparently that was her donation?

   This reason is not the only as to why I am mad at my aunt. One day, they went to go eat lunch. They had my brother and I show them a local place to find good burgers. I showed them Goldbergs. My brother and I shared one appetizer and ordered a second that everyone shared. It all came down to the check as you guessed. My new “uncle” handed my brother the check and said, “When I was a young man just starting to earn money, it would have been my honor to pay the check.” I wish I could make this stuff up; I would be richer than Stephen King! My uncle took the check and said, “No, we can’t make him pay for it.”

   Now, some people will hear where I am coming from and some will think, “What’s wrong with him paying the check?” So, let me explain. They had us along for lunch! We didn’t order meals! They were catching up with their niece and nephew! What the F is wrong with these people?!

   This reasons is not the only as to why I am mad. Heading out to lunch my aunt kept asking for help with directions. “Tell me where to turn.” “When do I turn?” However, coming back from lunch she was now a master of the roads apparently. Turning into the hospital parking lot I had to correct her though. That parking lot is apparently a little tricky for 90% of people. Mind you it has gigantic yellow arrows showing the way, but what do I know? I yelled out “You’re going the wrong way, look out! Stop stop!” To which she replied, “Shut up Gina! I don’t know how your parents put up with you! You and your brother just yadaddada!” Again, what the F?! I’m sorry I didn’t want you to wreck your rental car! Also, why drag my brother into it? He did nothing wrong. If you know me, then you know I didn’t leave it at that. I said to her, “Well, you can get into an accident or you can follow the flow of traffic!”

   “I have been driving for longer than you have been alive.”

   “Right, and I am obviously better at it!” I slammed the car door and went back into the hospital.

   Not too long after, I told my boyfriend that I just wanted to go see a movie. He picked me up from the hospital. I said goodbye to everyone else. My aunt and “uncle” were in the corner of my mom’s room. I waved and said “Goodbye.” They didn’t even respond or move. So I said, “Whatever,” quietly and have not seen them since.

Later that night I told my brother on the phone, “Just because someone is family, doesn’t make them a good person.”

What did she do to deserve this?

   Right now I should bring you up to speed with recent events. You know my mom needed to undergo chemo. My grandmother was in town to help out during this period. My mom was to have 8 weeks of chemo and go to Houston to check the progress.


   During the last week of August, we all noticed she was really tired and not very hungry. On August 27th, my grandma and I were heading to an outlet store and I asked my mom if she wanted to come with. She didn’t want to because she was tired. Grandma actually convinced her to come with and we would all eat lunch at the Cracker Barrel.

   After we ordered in the restaurant, I used the restroom. I came back and saw my mom walking towards the bathroom. She told me she just threw up. She threw up a lot. My grandma and I both figured the chemo was starting to kick in. Mom said she still wanted to eat. So we ate. Well, for about 15 minutes. She threw up again. We decided to leave. I asked my grandma later on and she told me she tipped them well. I think they deserved it. We got mom home and she did not throw up anymore and slept the whole rest of the day.

   The next Tuesday Dad took Mom for her chemo treatment. She gets two. One is a pill form and the other is an injection through a port that was surgically placed into her head. This day she got the injection. My Dad tried to impart to these doctors that Mom was not acting right. They ignored him, flat out. On Friday, she had another injection. He told them again that things were not right but this time insisted on getting a social worker to help with her care. This time the doctor decided to check her blood work. Later that day, the doctor called and said they caught an infection in her spinal fluid. Mom needed to come to the hospital for treatment right away.

   You guys, so much has happened since then and my mom is still in the hospital. She has been there for 31 days and counting. Long story short, the admitting oncologist told us she had pneumonia. She didn’t; she had a staph infection in the port in her head. The infectious disease doctor diagnosed her and never said pneumonia. She also had a seizure on a day I visited. I was about to leave and then she had one in the bathroom. Although the neurosurgeon said they couldn’t determine what it was, I know that was a seizure.

   Keep in mind, my mom has had brain tumors since 2000. But this year, the illness took a nosedive into a pile of chemo-induced vomit. And what is most likely in her future is either being in a nursing facility or having a sitter at home every day. How would you like to be 53 years old and have a lady check on you when you take a shower so she could run to your husband to squeal that you couldn’t distinguish the shampoo from the conditioner? I would hate it every day.


I think I understand better than most people what the term “A fate worse than death” truly means.

Add some Lemon Juice to that Burn Please

   Next up in our epic saga kiddies is the sad tale of August 12th. This day was a Wednesday. I need to back up a little and tell you about my mom. My mom has had brain tumors since 2000. To present she has had 11 tumors. She has had three surgeries and I believe two or three bouts of different radiations, gamma knife and nouvalis. Starting last summer, the surgeons in Omaha decided they couldn’t touch tumor number 6 and sent her to their teacher in Houston. This doctor in Houston was fantastic and got the tumor out and mom was back to her old self in a less than three days. That is speedy considering the trauma she went through with her first surgery in 2000.

   This summer the same surgeons said, “Uh no, let’s let Houston deal with these ones.” Now she had tumor 7, 8 and 9. When the Houston surgeon did the surgery, it turns out she really had 5 tumors, bringing her to magic number 11 and more bad news, he could not get them all out.


   Let’s return to August 12th. That was her surgery date this year. I learned from my anxiety on surgery day last year and took the day off instead to not worry so much. From communications with my dad I learned she went to the prep area, which is like a waiting room for prepped patients and they wheel them off one at a time, at about 6am. She was to start surgery at about 8am; I think they started at 9am, so pretty good considering the amount of traffic they had that morning.


   At about 9:45am I get a call from my aunt, my mother’s sister. I figure she wanted an update on the surgery, but I didn’t have any info yet. Hence, I was joking around with her on the phone. She told me my grandfather had died that morning. He was in and out of hospitals back in New York for a few weeks with a combination of Lymphoma and Pneumonia. Now, we did know that he was in the hospital and my grandmother asked my mother to come see him because they knew the end was near. But my mother was less than three days away from leaving for surgery with my dad. They really had no way to do it and my dad needed me at home for bills, communications, etc. Simply put, it was just bad timing. I’m sure people can scold us for that, but if you were in our shoes, you would understand.


   Needless to say, this was a terrible day. I found out a few hours later that mom came out okay, but the surgeons did not get all of the tumors and there were five instead of the three they saw on the MRI. I suppose getting all the bad news in one day is better than having two horrible days in a row. That was one sucky day; I’d say the worst of this year so far. I hope nothing tops that day, because to top that day the sky would have to rain fire or something. As far as Mom, that is another entry, but she had to start chemotherapy for the tumor remnants.




My Grandmother gave me a very apt pin that simply says “Cancer Sucks”

Insurance Bills Blues

   Millionaires don’t have to worry about dentist bills. If Warren Buffet gets a tooth pain I’m sure he goes to Dr. RichDentist and gets his tooth filled without worrying about a $30 co pay and then a $286 follow up bill for the remainder. And you don’t work two jobs if you’re a millionaire. So, you could guess I’m not like Warren Buffet.




   Over this summer I had to go to the doctor several times and the dentist twice. Overall I believe I racked up around $2000 in bills, but with insurance I owed only about $350. However, my insurance tried to smack me with a $630 bill for blood work that my doctor ordered.


   The old doc thought I had an ulcer earlier this year, but it turns out my stomach produces too much acid. And not cool face-melting acid either but the kind that hurts when you are hungry, or after you just ate. So then the doctor had me undergo a series of blood draws to test if I was anemic, thalassemic (which I already knew that I was), my lead levels, etc, etc. I went into his office another five times just for blood work. They sent me two or three bills for $20 which I paid without batting an eye, because you know, I have that kind of money. Then, I believe in August, my insurance said, “Hang on there kid, we’re not paying for any genetic testing.”


   I then underwent the quest for financial vindication with help from my dad for I asked for no genetic testing my friends. I made phone call after phone call back and forth from the insurance to the doctor, to the actual lab that bills the tests and round and round we went. I played the infamous insurance game that not many win. And I can tell you this, I won. With my dad’s experience in dealing with these companies for my mom, he seems to know all the tricks. Although technically, in the end, the doctor lost the game because they took the bill and wrote it off. But get this, to a certain insurance company, testing for some types of anemia is considered a genetic test and they refuse to cover that. It’s not like my dad and mom had to come with to the lab and get blood drawn, so that really is a steaming load.


   The majority of my $350 came from dental work for 4 cavities. Yes, children, mommy likes her sugar. And I foolishly went to a dentist on my own. The red flags were thrown when she introduced me to her financial expert that gave me the rundown on costs for simple cavities. This “expert” told me my dental insurance company is difficult and getting an accurate price for anything is like, pulling teeth, yuck yuck! I called my parent’s dentist after that and got in on the fact that I was related, since this guy is no longer taking new patients. So, really, I’m sure these expenses, weren’t too bad.
    
   Now I am mostly stomach-pain free and cavity free and you are probably wondering why this falls into my horrible year category. Two reasons: First, I am in credit card debt so spending money is hard for me to do. I decided that I needed to get all this work done for my health so that I can work two jobs to make money. And second, this is the first year that I realized dealing with insurance companies is ridiculous and not in a cutesy way when your little brother tells you his Nintendo Wii skills are ridiculous but actually ridiculously hard! Jumping through insurance hoops is one more way the healthcare industry has an utter stranglehold on the people.


If you take anything away from this entry, take this: fuck insurance, let’s do it Canada-style!

The Start of the Whole Mess

   So, from remembering back on this year, I think my issues with it started March 2nd. March 2nd is my dad’s birthday. This year it was a Monday.



   I remember all this because that was also the day I moved areas in my current job at the furniture store. See I worked in the dining room category as an assistant to the buyer. But the higher-ups decided to be rid of the girl working in the leather upholstery category. I was asked in February to move into her position.


   I should also mention my dad and I work in the same department, he works in bedding/youth furniture. He told me that moving categories would be a good chance to get a promotion in the long run. I accepted the transfer and March 2nd rolled around, my first day with a new team. I moved desks, back near people I worked with before (long and uninteresting story) and I was glad to try something new.


   I also work another job at a movie theatre, but on March 2nd I worked at a pizza place. I was scheduled that day to leave the first job at 4:30 and be at the next job at 5:30, something I’ve done many times. To get on with the story, my mom called me during the afternoon, saying the dog, Chi-Chi, was sick and she needed to take him to the vet. My mom has no car during the day. I called up my boyfriend and he graciously took the lot of them to the vet. My dad and I were then in a meeting for a couple hours. When I came back, my mom called again and simply said, and I’m paraphrasing, “I had to put the dog down, he’s dead.”


   “What?!”


   “Gina, he was so sick. He had heart failure. The doctor said his heart was four times larger than normal.”


   I got upset. I had no clue he was ill. Two weeks prior the vet told us he had a heart murmur. But we did not think something would develop so quickly. I was mainly upset because I wanted to go with and say goodbye and I was stuck at work. And the worst part, I would have to go to another job and deal with people for five more hours.


   By this time it was almost 4:30 anyway, but my new teammates were saying “Go home Gina.” I left and called the pizza place and asked for the evening off because I was upset. I think that’s reasonable. They told me I would have to come in until someone else came in to cover. In the end, I worked about 30 minutes there, so I wasn’t mad at them or anything. A little miffed that they just didn’t say, “Don’t even come in,” but I understood.


   So, at 6:00, I went home and found my mom and dad talking. My mom had already thrown away Chi-Chi’s food and put his bowl and bed away. It was like he wasn’t even there that morning. Needless to say I yelled at her a bit for that, but her defense was “Why shouldn’t I have? He died! That was harder for me than you!” We got over it in a little while, but that still strikes me as wrong. The three of us just sat there for a few minutes, and then I walked over and got my dad’s b-day present. I handed it to him saying, “I’m sorry the dog died on your birthday.” He was actually okay with this. He said something like, “I’ve had a lot of birthdays, and on this one the dog died, that’s okay.” That night we went to the Texas Roadhouse restaurant (steak house) and filled our faces with comfort food.


   I still miss Chi-Chi; he was cool. He was a little yapper type dog, a shih-tzu, but I liked him. I brought my mom to the humane society in hopes of getting her to tell Dad she wanted another dog, but he doesn’t want to worry about another pet during mom dealing with her medical issues. And to be honest I wasn’t ready then either.






To Chi-Chi, one cool dog.

Oct. 4th 2009

Hello, this would be my first post to this blog.

I understand that naming something for the enitre year of 2009 is a bit late to do, but realizing a year is the worst ever is something done in retrospect.

So, I wanted to basically use this blog as an outlet for my year-long frustrations. I suppose much of these initial blogs would be recapping nine months of this year. Also, please don't think of me and these postings as that of a whiny girl that should just suck it up. I do face these challenges as an adult but I need some way to vent these events on my mind. Even if no one reads this and it's my own online diary. Also, I am in no way undermining anyone else's life saying "Mine is worse than yours."

This year was filled with a lot of sucky times for me. Just to give you a taste, my dog died, then my grandfather died and all the while my mom's illness got a lot worse.
So with that, on with the bloggings!